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I need some advice


danboone5
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So my wife wants to end our marriage. Over the past two years we have been pissed off at one another. We didn't see it happening until now. I want to save it, and I believe she does too. I need a new perspective. I've tried everything I can think of too get her to fall in love with me again. Any ideas are greatly appreshiated. Sorry for any spelling problems. I am quite inebreated at the moment. It's the only way too quiet my mind too night. I may be a lurker but I trust yalls opinions. Thanks for any advice. I am desperate and need sleep. I love this woman more than anything. Please help me.

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That's a tough one man. I've been there, and it's a tough row to hoe. You have to evaluate what your differences are and why you piss each other off. There can't be any " My way or the Highway" positions on either side. If you can compromise as much as possible, that's a start. If you two can sit down and talk about the situation, get it all out in the open, hopefully that'll give you a chance to start to repair your relationship with your wife.

Good Luck to the both of you.

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I agree on not giving up. It sounds like neither of you want to. Understand there is no perfect marriage and each one has it's bumps. Some are big, some are not. The problem is when you let them get bigger and bigger they get tougher to deal with. But, it sound like you want to.

I strongly suggest getting a trusted third party to help you work through things. Find someone who knows what is right and wrong and not a "whatever you feel is right" kind of person. Don't know what your vows were, but if they were the standard, "through good times and bad times, in sickness and health," well, here is where the rubber meets the road, and most every time once you deal with these things your marriage can be stronger.

As a pastor I deal with marriages, and deal with things from "it's time to admit the wrongs we have each done in our marriage, ask each other to forgive, and then truly forgive, that is, consider it gone, done away with, never happened." I suggest you find someone that will do this, but won't beat you over the head with your wrongs.

I kinda wonder: were one of or the two of you beginning to "do your own thing" and expecting the other to be ok with it?

Another quick suggestion: Don't deal with things by getting drunk. It will only make things worse. Besides, you feel like garbage the next day! :thumbsup:

And, as you and your wife begin to make things work, take her on " dates" again! :clapping: Actually, take her on periodic dates the rest of your life!

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Not that I am married, but I have experienced a few divorces via friends and family. Anyway, awhile back this movie came out, called Fireproof. I rented it because of my job in the fire service, but discovered that it was actually about a fireman and his wife going through divorce, and trying to make it work. Its a christian movie, but the fire part of it comes with some action for the guys, and junk for the women here and there. I would recommend watching it.

 

One of the things they used in the movie is something that comes from a book in real life, called the love dare. Its basically sucking up your pride for 40 days and doing one thing a day to reignite the spark. It's very simple.

 

Here's the trailer:

M5lSu6GkC2k

 

Good luck with everything here, and please don't be shy to PM myself if you ever need any advice. Its always good to have someone who knows neither of you that well to give an outside opinion, or help.

Rob L.

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When my wife and I were having problems we did something totally different that trying to sit and talk it out.

 

We went camping and got drunk as piss. We then promised each other we would not yell or get mad at anything that was said to each other that night. We then talked out what our problems were.

 

Remember "Drunk minds, speak sober thoughts."

 

It worked very well for us. Our chosen drink was Red Bull and Vodka that night.

 

Good luck brother. It is not a fun road to be on.

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I'm only 18 and I've been with my girl for under a year but I would try the date thing :thumbsup: neither of us have ever been kayaking before we met and tried it this past summer... Trying new things together can help build your relationship a little more because you guys conquered something entirely new to the both of you

I wish you the best of luck

-Nick

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sorry to hear it man.

 

 

I have no "good" advice to give you. I'm going to enjoy never having little feet around the house. never having someone to rob my bank account, and being able to have the toys I want, when I want.

 

 

not to say I won't date....actually, I'll end up finding someone. but marriage just isn't gonna happen. a good family friend is almost 60, has been living with the same lady for 30 some years, and they are more than happy to have no kids, and spend their own money on what they want...splitting the bills otherwise.

 

 

 

that's what I'd like.

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Remember the old addage "marriage is a two way street" . Sometimes it seems all the traffic is going in the wrong direction. That can be overcome in many instances by communicating openly and truth-fully with each other. One must be willing to adjust their habits/life-styles to arrive at a state of compatability with their soul mate. It may be something as simple as getting rid of an alcoholic trait, or quit bad mouthing/be-littlting them in private or public situations, or letting them have the responsibility for seeing that the bills are sent out each month. maybe they think their seen as a sub-servient. If getting intoxicated is the only way/time you communicate your reducing your chance of surviving in a marriage. That just demonstrates a lack of good judgement and can be an indication of an unwillingness to face responsibilites. If you can't get to a talking point on this then make an appointment with a marriage councler and ask your wife to go with you, if she won't then go alone. They can usually drag out the problem areas that exist and suggest feasible solutions. I quit going to wedding as all that I have been to since around 1985 have ended in divorce and primarily because of a lack of maturity and refusal of both parties to rid them-selfs of thier petty child like selfishness and me-me-me attitudes. I kinda think thats why marriages are on the decline. Ooops, getting of subject here. Anyway I suggest you talk to her and feel her out about existing areas in your relationship that are bugging her and what she expects of you. Hope you save this relationship.

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x2 on the Love Dare. Get it, read it, do it. Heck, PM me your address and I'll buy you a copy. There's nothing "magical" in the book - the whole point is motivation to show your love through your unselfish actions, and tangible ways you can do it. Too often people just feel like they don't love the other person any longer, but they haven't done anything that would make them feel love in months, even years.

 

Don't give up man. We'll be here for ya.

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Been through it and ended in divorce after 13 years. Hopefully yours will turn out differently and you'll be able to save it. We tried books, counseling, even going on 'dates' to start fresh. The problem was we knew how to push each others' buttons without intentionally doing it, and every day was a battle in the trenches. The ones who suffered the most were my kids, as they now have to bounce from house to house for parenting time with joint custody.

 

Sometimes its not meant to work, but sometimes depite the rocky road it is. Chin up. You two will work it out.

 

 

 

For the divorced CC members: Why are divorces so expensive? Because they're worth it! http://instantrimshot.com/

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married almost 19 years. make an agreement with her to give each other alist of 10 things that the other does to make you feel loved. agree not to judge or agrue the list. agree to right it and give it to each other. say nothing further about it. give it to her, don't make an issue wether she gives you one back or not or if she follows through with it. do what's on her list, period. it's what she feels make her feel loved, not what you feel she should or does feel. try it!

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sorry to hear it man.

 

 

I have no "good" advice to give you. I'm going to enjoy never having little feet around the house. never having someone to rob my bank account, and being able to have the toys I want, when I want.

 

 

not to say I won't date....actually, I'll end up finding someone. but marriage just isn't gonna happen. a good family friend is almost 60, has been living with the same lady for 30 some years, and they are more than happy to have no kids, and spend their own money on what they want...splitting the bills otherwise.

 

 

 

that's what I'd like.

 

:thumbsup: x2

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I feel for you , BUT , this is not the best place to vent your problem . I learned way too late , (between my 4th & 5th wives ) the secrect to success is knowing a simple check , All females have a " best before date " under the hair on the nape of thier neck . It's a little late now , but my my guess is , it's expired :dunno:

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Sorry for my start of this thread. I had been awake for two days from wondering what to do. I had to work the next morning very early but I wouldn't have functioned properly. I don't drink often at all and lunesta cost too much. But back on subject, today was my 40th day on the love dare and I finally told my wife what I have learned from it. I never thought I was such a loser, until I forced my self to look inside. I wasn't always such a dope. I was my wife's strength and love. But we were stressed by the wrong things(bills, work, ect) and started ignoring our love for one another. It is my fault. But thanks for the support. I have to say there is not a use by date on love. You have to fight for it with the right tools. Compassion, unselfishness, eagerness to accept love, and a strength to not stop.

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I am desperate and need sleep. I love this woman more than anything. Please help me.

Start by telling her this.

 

Then ask her if she is willing to go to marriage counseling with you. If she agrees, that's a good sign.

 

Be aware, however, that marriage counseling is not a guarantee. Counseling helps both people look at the marriage objectively. Sometimes the result is that one or the other person (or both) sees more clearly that the marriage really doesn't have much of a basis.

 

One other thing to keep in mind: Depending on what's wrong in the marriage, sometimes it's necessary to sacrifice the marriage to save the friendship.

 

It ain't easy. And I'm probably not the best person to ask for advice. I'm currently in marriage #3. This one seems to be working but, at the beginning, I thought the first two would, also.

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I feel for you , BUT , this is not the best place to vent your problem . I learned way too late , (between my 4th & 5th wives ) the secrect to success is knowing a simple check , All females have a " best before date " under the hair on the nape of thier neck . It's a little late now , but my my guess is , it's expired :dunno:

 

Dude...

After 5 wives, maybe it isn't the women. :nuts:

 

Just sayin' :hmm:

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