why women shouldn't take men shopping

[mjeff87]

Happy Monday all :waving:

 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women-she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal Mart

 

 

Dear Mrs. Johnson,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

 

4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

 

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

6. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

 

7. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

 

8. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

 

9. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 

10. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

 

11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna-look' by using different sizes of funnels.

 

12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

 

13. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

 

And last, but not least:

14. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' causing one of the clerks to pass out.

[chunks6067]

made my monday :banana: :rotf: :rotf:

[Red 1989 MJ]

Nice !!! :clapping:

[jbhill]

hahah nice.

[Qui Gon-Jinn]

Each and every one of those works..

 

I have either personally tried them.. or been there when others did.

 

I have odd Friends.. and even Odder family.

 

The M&M's.. they wouldn't let me do them individually.. nor by the bag... I tried for a case but the manager walked by.

[sinkrun]

Excellent! I was just in a wallmart 1 hour ago.

[brdhntr]

hat is sooooooooooooo funny!!!! :rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

 

i hate shopping and always think my wife takes too long as well. plus she works at walmart. :rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

[dasbulliwagen]

I hate going to wal mart. That place is such a cess-pool.... but they do have the best grocery prices, when they decide to restock. There have been multiple times when a very popular product runs out and they don't restock it for like three weeks. And to make it worse, they take the sticker off the shelf to pretend like they never had it..... skeevy bastards!!! :nuts:

[Silver88]

Loved it! Went to WallyWorld after work today. Late night is good for playing "Bingo",

and as Larry said " It's like Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks" at that time. :rotf:

[beaterjeep]

Anouther couple things that work are: late nite game of Marco Polo with friends; or if you're feeling real risky, use the electric carts while playing. Don't ask how I know that, but I will say that there's a Fleet Farm here in town that I and a few friends are no longer allowed to enter. Apparently they thought we were all :nuts: .

[ren]

Nice to know that I am NOT the only one to get banned from Wally-world. I got banned for test driving the riding mowers......through Lawn & Garden and in to the Grocery side to pick up some munchies. I "think" what made them the maddest was the burnouts going through the main aisle. :clapping: 22 HP motor, full throttle, and dump it in 3rd. :brows:

[jtdesigns]

[SkipshotMJ]

HAHA! LMFAO! :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: I love it!

[WyoCherokee]

Nice to know that I am NOT the only one to get banned from Wally-world. I got banned for test driving the riding mowers......through Lawn & Garden and in to the Grocery side to pick up some munchies. I "think" what made them the maddest was the burnouts going through the main aisle. :clapping: 22 HP motor, full throttle, and dump it in 3rd. :brows:

 

 

ROTFLMFAO!!!! thats hilarious. i gotta try that :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :idea:

[ejndssn]

that was great :rotf: had the whole family in tears and my admiral would state that those are the things that i would do. she liked like no. 13 followed by 14 and 1 the m&m's layaway plan that was great. :rotfl2: