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It Was Hot Here Today


jimoshel
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How hot was it?



No shirt, no pants, no problem
My Reese peanut butter cups turned into Reese peanut butter shooters...I drank 'em anyway.
The next book should be called 50 shades of red
Its so hot out here that this cd we found on the street is sweating!
My sweat started sweating
The Devil was in Ace Hardware buying air conditioners
My golf ball stuck to the clubface upon impact.
I saw Optimus Prime transform into an air conditioner
My change melted into a medallion in my purse.
I just seen an elderly woman walk through the sprinklers in the garden section at Target....
It's so hot today you could fry an egg on an ice cube
People with jeeps have their tops up and AC
My balls are sticking to the side of your leg
It's so hot I filled a kiddie pool with my sweat
A crackhead just tried to sell me a ceiling fan..
Squirrels are pouring Gatorade on their nuts
I watched my dog pee from the window inside
Popsicles are melting in my freezer!!
That the Statue of Liberty has armpit stains.
I got raw footage of the devil backstroking in the baptism pool.
That I just saw a group of mennonite women wearing daisy duke shorts!
My pool won't be ready for another couple days... I need a pool to go to tonight.
I just saw a bum with a sign that said "Will work for shade"
I wish I was five so I could run through the sprinkler without looking like a freak
Having to put your phone in the fridge because it overheated
The National Weather Service has issued a fat guy in tank top warning....
It's so hot I actually felt emotionally close to our air conditioner this morning. It completes me.
It's so hot that I saw two trees fighting over a dog. : )
It's so hot, today I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.
It's so hot that it makes me want to take off my skin and sit in my bones
It was so hot in Palm Springs the Betty Ford Center said, "Screw it, open the bar. Drinks for everybody”
It was so hot my cab driver was wearing an oscillating turban.
Birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
It feels like the devil just farted

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  • 2 weeks later...

At my last job, some days I was constantly in and out of a giant oven cooking at 160-180.  At least it was dry, the whole point of it was to pull water out of styrofoam.

 

You didn't stay in there any longer than you had to.

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