CWLONGSHOT Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER This one is a little different... . Two Different Versions.... ......... .... Two Different Morals OLD VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself! MODERN VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.' ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, We shall overcome. Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper. The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ants food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighbor hood. The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010. I’ve sent this to you because I believe that you are an ant not a grasshopper! Make sure that you pass this on to other ants. Don’t bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn't understand it, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lenard Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 i sure wish that second one was a joke, but it's not anymore, its the truth. :wall: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
500 MJ Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 :agree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
87Warrior Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 As much as I love this country, I just have to laugh when I read that... because I know its true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kro10000 Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 :agree: :agree: :agree: sad truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWLONGSHOT Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 The Dam Image Not FoundImage Not Found This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania ... This guy's response is hilarious, but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter. State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries: SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property.. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2007. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions. Sincerely, David L. Price District Representative and Water Management Division. Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County Dear Mr.Price, Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .... A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.' I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. Image Not FoundImage Not Found These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.) I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the damned stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream.. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2007? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them. In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump! Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office. THANK YOU, RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete M Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 close. turns out it actually occurred in 1997 in Michigan. :thumbsup: http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.asp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freakjeep93 Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 i don't care who you are thats funny right there ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kro10000 Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 :clapping: :rotfl2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
87Warrior Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Classic :clapping: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakal Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 dam straight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWLONGSHOT Posted November 8, 2009 Author Share Posted November 8, 2009 Even if you don't care about hunting – Gotta Love Ted!!! Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist, an animal rights activist The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother? Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what I am going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' The interview ended. http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/nugent.asp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ejndssn Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 CW that was outstanding :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :rotf: had me in tears and woke up the dogs too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWLONGSHOT Posted November 10, 2009 Author Share Posted November 10, 2009 This pretty much describes our Country today. If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn`t buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection. If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him. If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down. If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!) If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his. If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed. If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues. If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he's "offended". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reson46 Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 This pretty much describes our Country today. If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn`t buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection. If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him. If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down. If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!) If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his. If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed. If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues. If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he's "offended". Seriously? How can people just close their eyes to reality and believe crap like this? :doh: Willy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unglar Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Because they are not in touch with reality. They are so wound up that they barely notice the flowers blooming on the side of the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWLONGSHOT Posted November 10, 2009 Author Share Posted November 10, 2009 Seriously? How can people just close their eyes to reality and believe crap like this? :doh: Willy Ahh, because its whats happening right here in the great USA... Do you live under a rock? CW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakal Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 we are in deep dodo as a country. you don't have to take sides. when you spend more than you make, it will come to bite you back. the more the spending the more its going to hurt at payback time. and we are already there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reson46 Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Seriously? How can people just close their eyes to reality and believe crap like this? :doh: Willy Ahh, because its whats happening right here in the great USA... Do you live under a rock? CW Wow! :eek: Answered that question. Willy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james750 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Wow, not sure how to respond to this. It seems to generalize the liberals (like myself, but I am more of a middle of the road kind of guy who will vote for who I think is best regardless of his political party) and has some radical thoughts that are not fully in touch with everything that is going on in our country today. :shake: -James Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete M Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 which is what much of comedy seems to rely on, generalities and stereotypes. Try not to read too much into it. :thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darren Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 So what I got from this thread is that CW likes to get chain forwards, is a conservative, and hates blacks and beavers. Did I miss anything? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james750 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Nope that about sums it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWLONGSHOT Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 So what I got from this thread is that CW likes to get chain forwards, is a conservative, and hates blacks and beavers. Did I miss anything? Just to clarify there kiddo... :brows: I do get forwards, I am a proud conservative republican, I do not hate blacks. I hate criminals, liars, bully's, hypocrites and the overall liberal mentality. John Wayne said it best, "Life is hard enough. But its harder when your stupid." But beaver, well, just wanna be crystal clear on this... I LOVE BEAVER!!! ;) CW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reson46 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I am a proud conservative republican...I hate criminals, liars, bully's, hypocrites Hopefully we aren't getting too far into the political stuff, but I always have trouble understanding statements like this. I have trouble thinking of any Republican who is not at least one of the latter, if not all of them. How do die hard Republicans rationalize this? It is such a stringent party driven by inane rules that must be followed that even the lifestyles of its members do not fit within its confines. :hmm: Willy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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