Men vs. Women:

[Sir Sam]

Creative Writing professor told his class one day: “Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting next to his or her desk.

 

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

 

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

 

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

 

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

 

At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the

question.

 

(second paragraph by Bill )

 

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. ” Polar orbit established. No sign

of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

 

(Rebecca)

 

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law

Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from

her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.

 

( Bill )

 

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth

a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the

atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized even poor, stupid Laurie.

 

(Rebecca)

 

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

 

( Bill )

 

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. ” Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****ING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo. I guess I’ve read too many Danielle

Steele novels!”

 

(Rebecca)

 

As$hole.

 

 

( Bill )

 

b!tch!

 

(Rebecca)

 

F-UCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

 

( Bill )

 

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

 

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

[jimoshel]

Ain't no teacher but I did too. :rotf:

[jbhill]

i lol'd haa.

[Lenard]

That was hilarious. I'm sitting in library at school reading this and I just can't keep quite,

i busted up laughing, i think i might of pissed some people off, but this was worth it. :rotf:

[Eagle]

:sniff:

 

Moderately amusing, at best. The problem, of course, was the professor mixing writers of different genres and expecting the result to be a coherent entity. When you attempt to mix romance novellas with science fiction, this is what results (this, or a SNL skit).

 

In general, I think Bill was the better writer, but he needs help with his fact checking. Anyone who is anyone should know that Anu’udrian motherships never carried lithium fusion missiles. In general, they were armed with the more advanced nuclear anti-matter bypass ymitters ("NAMBYs," to the cognoscenti), with lithium ionization enduction bombs (a.k.a. "LIEs") for back-up.

[dasbulliwagen]

Eagle...... YOU ARE A GOD!!!! Not THE god, but A god!

[Eagle]

Eagle...... YOU ARE A GOD!!!! Not THE god, but A god!

Not really.

 

But ... I AM an Anne McCaffrey fanatic.

[kro10000]

:clapping:

[-600JeepMJ]

:rotf:

[bigalpha]

 

But ... I AM an Anne McCaffrey fanatic.

 

I think you're the only other person I've known that's read Anne McCaffrey.

[Eagle]

 

But ... I AM an Anne McCaffrey fanatic.

 

I think you're the only other person I've known that's read Anne McCaffrey.

I have all of her books in the Dragonriders of Pern series (multiple copies of some of them), and most of the Pern books written by (or with) her son, Todd. I think I have one more of his yet to acquire. I've also read most of her other books from other series. The one I never really got into was the Acorna series. I've read two or three of them, but they just don't ring my chimes.

[akamcbird]

i really wonder what one mite come up with if they were to profile eagle by what he has chosen to reveal of himself here on cc over the years....

 

eagle, take no offense, we all love you cc wouldnt be the same without your input

[bigalpha]

Something about the dragons of Pern are particularly fun.

[Eagle]

i really wonder what one mite come up with if they were to profile eagle by what he has chosen to reveal of himself here on cc over the years....

Don't do it ... you'd never be able to sleep peacefully again ...

[Silver88]

Dragonriders of Pern! Thought that name sounded familiar. Talk about your " Blast from the Past". :doh:

[Eagle]

I still can't understand why Spielberg hasn't done a movie of the Dragonriders of Pern. Crikey, there are enough of the books by now to be good for at LEAST a trilogy.

 

Back when I started reading the books I even had the cast picked out:

 

F'lar ==> Tom Selleck

F'nor ==> Sam Eliot

Lessa ==> Lesley Ann Warren

Masterharper ==> Kenny Rogers

Mastersmith Fanderel ==> Hulk Hogan

 

All of those folks are too old for the roles now, and I have envisioned them in those roles for so long that I can't imagine anyone else playing them.

 

Spielberg, where were you when we needed you?

[Sir Sam]

This thread has gotten dangerously off topic.

 

to bring it more in line, boobs:

 

[jimoshel]

Nice looking wall outlet. :D

[Sir Sam]

Nice looking wall outlet. :D

 

I do believe thats a light switch.

[jimoshel]

Uh,,er,, sorry. I was distracted by a couple of things. :brows:

[HOrnbrod]

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

 

He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

 

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

[jimoshel]

Two old friends meet on the street.

Hey Joe, Hows it goin?

Doin good . How you been?

Been OK. Went fishin yesterday.

Yeah? Where at?

Took yer sister with me. Went up where the ol bridge crosses the creek.

Yeah? Catch anything?

Don't know yet. It's only been one day now. :rotf: