jimoshel Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 I am certain this does not apply to Comanche Club members. Just every body else. Oil Change instructions for Women: 1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change. 2. Drink a cup of coffee. 3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change:$24.00 Coffee: Complementary TOTAL: $24.00 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and use your debit card for $50.00. 2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home. 3. Open a beer and drink it. 4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7. Place drain pan under engine. 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 10. Unscrew drain plug. 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13. Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 19. Remember drain plug from step 11. 20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 21. Drink beer. 22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. 25. Begin cussing fit. 26. Throw stupid crescent wrench. 27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent. 28. Beer. 29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 30. Beer. 31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 32. Beer. 33. Lower truck from jack stands. 34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. 35. Beer. 36. Test drive truck. 37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 38. Truck gets impounded. 39. Call loving wife, make bail. 40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard. Money spent: Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2,500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1,500.00 Beer: $20.00 TOTAL: $4,145.00 But you know the job was done right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPCBruce89 Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 sounds about right lol :clapping: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
86customanche Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 sounds about right lol :clapping: Sure does. :rotfl2: Very typical list of every simple thing we do on our trucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cody4359 Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 very cheap DUI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyleag89 Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 This is by far the funniest thing Ive heard in awhile! I'm on break from replacing my clutch so back down to the garage I go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buxmj Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 That's hilarious. Thanks for sharing. Reminds me when I had to use a screwdriver through the filter, ended up with bloody nuckles on a very cold midwestern winter day many years ago. That was the last time I did it myself, not worth the headache I cause myself. Buck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnr Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 that was great. my 1st atempt with a screw driver through the side of an oil filter left me with a twisted piece of sheet metal and filter paper in one hand and the base of the oil filter still on the block :wall: . 2 hours later(after trying everything i could think of) i had a custom made spanner wrench fastened out of an old model T adj wrench my dad had in the bottom of his tool box. that was 40 years ago and i still have that tool. although i have used it a few times over the years i have never used it for that clustermuck again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Sam Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 That's hilarious. Thanks for sharing. Reminds me when I had to use a screwdriver through the filter, ended up with bloody nuckles on a very cold midwestern winter day many years ago. That was the last time I did it myself, not worth the headache I cause myself. Buck. My gawd, I spent so much time fighting an oil filter today. Even the screwdriver didn't work, finally gave up, went and bought a filter wrench that fit the filter, and even then I was just barely able to get that sucker off with a ratchet on it torqueing it all I could. That SOB was on tight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txjeeptx Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 That's why I like my nylon-strap-type filter wrench so much - it gets 'em unstuck every time, the first time. Dents the filter, though, so its not for tightening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mvusse Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Filters should never be tightened with a wrench anyway. They're only supposed to be finger tight. I'm glad I don't have my Geo Prizm (Chevy Nova/Chevy Prizm/Toyota Corolla) anymore. I could never find a socket type wrench to fit that filter and there was no room to get a strap type filter on it. Had to remove the splash guard to get to it and if I couldn't get it by hand (more often than not) I had to resort to the screw driver method. The Renix engines are bad also. The filter is upside down, so there is no way to get the filter off without spilling oil everywhere. Have been planning to install the newer style adapter or a filter relocation kit ever since I got my first Comanche, but still haven't yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txjeeptx Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Filters should never be tightened with a wrench anyway. They're only supposed to be finger tight. Well, I don't like leaking filter gaskets, so its finger tight +1/4 turn. Not much tightening. I can do it by hand entirely, if I feel like hurting my weak old fingertips by gripping the filter hard enough to snug it up tight, or I just spin it on, then slip the wrench over it for ~1/4 turn. For the Renix Jeeps, I take a plastic bag and cover the starter to keep oil from getting inside it an gumming up the brushes. . . and to end the hijack . . I have pretty much lived the OP story - Once I forgot to take the oil drain pan out from under a car before letting it down off the jacks, then forgot about the pan, and backed the car down the driveway, grinding the bottom of the catch pan open, and making a huge environmental disaster. Took a lot of beer and kitty litter to make it better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
87Warrior Posted February 5, 2012 Share Posted February 5, 2012 Jim, here is another informative oil change how-to. This video may not be safe for work ;) Enjoy and report back. :rotf: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimoshel Posted February 5, 2012 Author Share Posted February 5, 2012 I tried that but it didn't work. Went thru 5 French maids and never made it past the back seat. :huh???: :rotf: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
88MJXLS Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 This post definitely just made my day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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