Sir Sam Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone defend me! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong b*@$£ out the window. __________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimoshel Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 A Marine gunny was taking a leak when a young Airman came in and used the urinal next to him. Finishing up the Marine zipped his fly, flushed the urinal and proceeded to leave. The airman hollered after him, "Hey sgt. In the Air Force they teach us to wash our hands after using the John" The Gunny replied, "In the Corps they teach us not to pee on our hands." :USAflag: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelbyluvv Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 "Five Most Dangerous Things in the Marine Corps" 1. A Private saying, "I learned this in boot camp..." 2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..." 3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..." 4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..." 5. A Gunny chuckling, "Watch this s..t!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver88 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Uncle Sam's Misguided Children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Sam Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelbyluvv Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 A young Marine officer was in a serious car accident, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Marine and eventually rose to the rank of General. He was, however very sensitive about his appearance. One day the General was interviewing three Marines for his personal aide. The first was an aviator, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, Do you notice anything different about me? The young aviator officer answered, why yes, sir. I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears. The general got very angry at the lack of tact and threw him out. The second interview was with a female Lieutenant, and she was even better. The General asked her the same question, Do you notice anything different about me? She replied, Well, sir, you have no ears. The General threw her out also. The third interview was with a Marine Gunny. He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the two officers combined (surprise). The General wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, Do you notice anything different about me? To his surprise the Gunny said, Yes sir; you wear contacts lenses. The General was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant Gunny, and he didn't mention my ears. And how do you know that I wear contacts? The General asked. The sharp-witted Gunny replied, Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no freaking ears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakal Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 hahah no freaking ears Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimoshel Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Viet Nam. 1965 A Marine Lance Corporal staggers into the company bunker all beat up, bloody, cammies in rags, left arm hanging at a weird angle, M16 bent at the barrel and collapses. First shirt picks him up and asks "Good Lord man. What happened?" Cpl replies "I was pulling guard at the intersection when I noticed a VC on the other side of the road. We both hit the dirt and aimed our weapons at each other. He hollered "President Johnson is oxen dung." I hollered "Ho Chi Minh is a chickens @$$." First shirt is mesmerized. "So then what happen? You two fight?" "Naw, We were standing in the middle of the road shaking hands and a tank ran over us." :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOrnbrod Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Why does the NAVY have marines on their ships? So the Officers have someone to dance with. Why did the Marine cross the road? Because he couldn't get his d*$# out of the chicken. M- Muscles A- are R- required I- intelligence N- not E- expected, S- Sir! A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The sailor says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times." Sorry Bo. :cheers: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelbyluvv Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Sorry Bo. :cheers: A Marine Gunny and a Navy Chief are standing next to each other in the head taking a piss. The Chief leans over and takes a peak at the Gunny's member and almost faints. He can't believe the size of the Gunny's member. The Chief then asks the Gunny. "How did you get it so big?" The Gunny smiling- "I go home every night and just before bed I knock it against the bed post seven times." That night when the Chief gets home he heads to the rack and just before getting in bed he whips it out and starts knocking his member against the bed post. The Chief's wife awakens and asks, "Is that you Gunny?" Sorry Don! :D :D :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOrnbrod Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Somehow I knew that was coming....... :rotf: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimoshel Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 :rotf: :jump: :rotf: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Sam Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 This turned out to be a worthwhile thread. :thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimoshel Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I always thought the reason for Marines on a boat was for them to paddle when the engines quit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimoshel Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 When my uncle, a sailor, came home from the war, WWll, I wanted to join the Navy. I spent 4 years in the Army, 8 years in the Air Force and 1 year in the Corps. The closest I ever got to the Navy was in Barcelona when I bought cigarettes from the ships stores. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakal Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 :rotf: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comanche County Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I always thought the reason for Marines on a boat was for them to paddle when the engines quit. No, its because sheep would be too obvious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelbyluvv Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I always thought the reason for Marines on a boat was for them to paddle when the engines quit. No, its because sheep would be too obvious. :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :D :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camjeep3 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 thats awesome... you know they had their fun with the guy... and the way they wrote that is just great :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOrnbrod Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 thats awesome... you know they had their fun with the guy... and the way they wrote that is just great :D Looks like ol' Ty-rone got a well-deserved @$$ kicking. Here are some others that with get you the same. Twelve Kick @$$ Rules for Non-Military Personnel Dear Civilians: We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance: 1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem - kick their @$$. 2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest- kick their @$$. 3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation Great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their @$$! 4. If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be 'Special Forces. Collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old, now, it will only make you look stupid and get your @$$ kicked. 5. Next time you come across an *Air Force* member, do not ask them, 'Do you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an @$$-kicking (small children are exempt). 6. If you witness someone calling the *US Coast Guard* 'non-military', inform them of their mistake - then kick their @$$. 7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her - of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe @$$-kicking. 8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or veteran. We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command is to include our Commander-In-Chief (CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is our CinC Regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get your @$$ kicked. 9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore would kick your @$$! 10. 'Flyboy' (*Air Force*), 'Jarhead' (*Marines),* 'Grunt' (*Army*), 'Squid' (*Navy*), 'Puddle Jumpers' (*Coast Guard*), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your @$$ kicked. 11. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our Country would get it's @$$ kicked..' *AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:: 12. If you ever see anyone either standing for or singing the national anthem in Spanish - KICK THEIR @$$. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakal Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 so in short: kdsjtgfjhfs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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