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Unofficial Joke thread...


jpnjim
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Getting Married in Heaven?

 

 

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

 

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

 

While waiting, they began to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out and he left.

 

The couple sat and waited for an answer....for a couple of months.

 

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever? Another month passed.

St. Peter finally returned looking somewhat bedraggled. Yes, he informed the couple, you can get married in Heaven.

 

Great! said the couple. But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven? St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

What's wrong? asked the frightened couple.

OH COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. It took me 3 months to find a priest up here!

Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer.

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Horse walks into a bar. Orders a JD and branch. Bartender says "that'll be $10" Horse pays and sips his drink. Bartender, wanting to start conversation, says " Don't see many horses in here' Horse replies " At $10 a shot it's going to be a long time before you see another one."

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Old man shuffling down the street sees a young boy sitting on the curb crying his heart out. Old fella approach's and says 'Hey, hey young feller. What's wrong? It's a beautiful day out. Sun's shining. birds singing. Nothing can be all that bad. Whats wrong?" Young fella replies " Sniff,,,sob,,, I'm crying cause I can't do to the girls what the big boys are doing." Old guy sits down beside him and starts crying his heart out.

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  • 1 month later...

VATICAN HUMOR

 

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

 

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

 

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

 

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

 

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

 

 

 

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German...)

 

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal

until they hear sirens.

 

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

 

 

 

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

 

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

 

 

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 155 kph.

 

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

 

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

 

 

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

 

 

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

 

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

 

Chief: ' A senator?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

 

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

 

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

 

 

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

 

 

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

 

 

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

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