humor: excerpts from a dog's dairy and a cat's diary

[dfreeman616]

found this on another site, thought i'd share :cheers:

 

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

 

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:00 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk ! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing !

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

2:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

 

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

 

Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

 

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

 

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

 

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

 

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

 

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

 

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously mentally challenged!

[JeepcoMJ]

holy f*ing sh*t man that was funny as hell! I am sending that to EVERYONE i know.

[pingpong]

That was hilarious I won 2 dogs and a cat and that describes their lives perfectly :nuts:

[Wildman]

:rotf: :jump:

 

Now that's funny :rotfl2:

[Bacon]

i'm not sure who wrote this, but i want to know how they got into my house to watch my dog and cat for inspiration. i know the cat thinks the dog is retarded. :D