Any redditors here?

[Sir Sam]

Found this today, maybe I'm the only one who found it Hilarious:

 

This is late to the party, as it were, but here is mine:

 

One night my friend Marty and I went to a nightclub and got very loaded. We were having a good time. Met some nice young ladies. When the club closed (2 a.m.) they invited us back to their apartment, which was (fortunately) walking distance, and off we went.

 

Somewhere between leaving the club and arriving at their apartment we realized that... let us say, they were not quite up to standards. So Marty decides to put the brakes on things. Noting they had a real wood burning fireplace he loudly declares that he is hungry and wants to cook some hot dogs. The ladies were not keen on this but Marty could be very charming and talked them into it.

 

It was then discovered they had no hot dogs. "Isn't there a convenience store anywhere around here?" Marty asked. Turned out there was. Lucky night!

 

The ladies left us in the apartment while they went to the store to buy hot dogs. Why we didn't just bolt then I will never know. Vast quantities of beer will do that to you, I guess.

 

Eventually the ladies returned, a fire was lit, coat hangers were fashioned into roasting sticks, and the indoor BBQ began. I had sobered up sufficiently by this point to determine all of this was a really bad idea, so I decided not to cook any and just sat back on their sofa and watched, instead.

 

The cooking went well for a little while and it appeared much fun was being had by all, though I continued to decline all offers to partake. This persisted until the fire started to die down a bit, at which point Marty helpfully offered to throw another log on the fire, which he did. He didn't get it on the pile very well, though, so he grabbed the poker to shift the logs around better.

 

He did not accomplish this. Instead, he managed to upset what turned out to have been a fairly precarious job of initial log-stacking, and everything spilled out of the fireplace, bounced on to a small mantle (scattering hundreds of burning embers everywhere), and from there landed on the ladies' nice white carpet.

 

As well you might expect, the three of them screamed loudly. Marty, thinking fast, grabbed the burning logs by placing a hand on each end and threw them back into the fireplace.

 

The ladies began trying to pick up the burning embers and small chunks of wood but Marty had a better idea. He saw they had a vacu-flo and the hose was over in the corner. "Hang on" he said and grabbed it, planning to vacuum all of this stuff up into building's central vac system.

 

Thinking that this might stand a decent chance of taking down the whole building, it was at this point I stepped in. The vacu-flow was put back and the four of us eventually managed to pick up the burning material and get it all back into the fireplace or on to the mantle.

 

Their carpet was not in good shape. We all stood in silence contemplating it for awhile.

 

"Well," said Marty, genially. "It's late and I think we need to be going." Nobody questioned this, so with that we put on our shoes and coats and off we went.

 

After spending the next few weeks wondering if we'd ever told them our real names or where we worked, and just how much replacing that carpet was going to cost, it eventually became clear that we were in the clear. They never got in touch with us.

 

Good times.

[shawn]

I'm a redditor but i didnt see that.

ya, you might be the only one who found it hilarious.

lol

[terrawombat]

Not a redditor, but that piece amused me - mainly because I've been in that situation before looking for an escape route. I didn't cook hot dogs over a fire or burn anyone's carpet, but did accidentally break a lamp and was politely asked to leave. Problem solved!

[jimoshel]

Forget the carpet. Try having sex in front of the fire and have a ember land on your bare assed butt! An she thought it was her.

[jimoshel]

Got away with 'assed'? What kind of a filter you runnin here?

[johnny quest]

<- fellow Redditor :cheers: