Jakeman17

Rob was crackin those on Sunday

:eek:

Only if tilted kilt is in plan for afterwards...

Got stuck in my grandma driveway. Image Not Found Image Not Found Image Not Found I would make it about half way and end up side ways everytime. I finally I got to a spot that i could do anything so i stopped. figured it was good enough then took some pictures. All the marks in the snow are from me trying to get up. After i finish i snow blowed the drive way

I saw 1........ mine

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. The hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh...if I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed." There was a fish in the water thi nking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him." There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches that fish will jump for the fly...and I will grab him." It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich...."Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch." Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there's more.... A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish...the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich" A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time, Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly... and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear... and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich ... then I can have mouse for lunch." The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly... The bear grabs the fish... The hunter shoots the bear... The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich... The cat jumps for the mouse... The mouse ducks... The cat falls into the water and drowns. The moral of the story is: Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some kitty is in serious danger.

http://www.greatlakes4x4.com/showthread.php?t=159318

Time for an AX15. Rob L. agree

no i don't Rob.....

shes buying though lol

Theres one by my house with a plow

Got pissed at my trans

i told my ex we r going there she said ok

I'm in for tilted kilt i could go now

One Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries. Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels. Three Star Hangover (***) Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once. Four Star Hangover (****) Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your makeup on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five $#!&s you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom. Five Star Hangover, (*****) You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your @$$. Death sounds pretty good about right now.......

HOW TO POOP AT WORK We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for having a dump at work. CROP DUSTING : When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY : This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK : When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH : The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME : Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER : This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) : A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS : A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR : This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH : A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Coughis very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE : An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON : A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET : A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. UNCLE TODD : An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

There was three FBI cadets. The trainer told them “Behind these three doors are your wives tied to a chair. I want you to go in there and shoot your wives in the head and you’re an FBI agent.” The first cadet is about 24 years old the trainer gives him the gun and “says go getter boy”. The he goes in closes the door. A couple of seconds…..go by and he comes out. The trainer asked him what happened. The cadet said “I love her and i'm going to take her out to diner and then i’m going to make love to her”. “Give me the gun and get out of here!” the trainer said. He gives the second cadet the gun and he’s about 35 years old. The same thing happens! He goes in and after a couple of seconds, he comes out and says to the trainer and says “I have been married to her for 10 years and I lover her. “Give me the gun your not FBI material!” Now the third cadet is about 50 years old. The trainer gives him the gun. He takes the gun slams the door open, slams it shut. Then you here POP! POP! POP! CRASH! BANG! CRASH! BANG! BOOM! Then he comes out looking all happy and pleased with himself. The trainer rushes up to him and said “What the Hell happened in there?” The cadet replied “some a$$hole loaded the gun with blanks! So I had to kill her with the chair!”

what do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey? Most of the time you get an onion with fuzzy ears, but every once in a while you get a peice of @$$ that makes you cry

an elderly couple was sitting down for breakfast when the wife says to her husband "Do you remember 40 years ago when we'd eat our breakfast naked as jay birds?" "yeah" the husband replies "lets do it again!" proclaims the wife So the couple gets naked and sit back down at the table. "Honey my nipples are as hot for you now as they were 40 years ago" "that's cause one's in your oatmeal and the others in your coffee"

After a long night of love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away a t his ear. Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. No, no, no!!!" she answers. Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery."

A beautiful blonde woman is having trouble growing tomatoes... seems she can't get them to turn red. She knows it is not the weather or the soil as the man next door has a garden full of big red tomatoes. She asks him about his secret..."twice a day" he says "I stand naked in front of the tomatoes, they blush and turn bright red." This sounds foolish, but what the heck, so she spends the next few days standing nude in her garden. A week goes by and she runs into her neighbor and he asks... "have your tomatoes turned red?" "Not really" she says..."but the strangest thing has happened... the cucumbers have swollen up and are standing on end."

10 reasons why trick or treating is better than sex! 10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. Once you've done it, you don't have to wait an hour to do it again. 8. The uglier you look, the more likely you'll get some. 7. You don't have to make small talk with the person who gave you the Candy. 6. The person giving it to you isn't fantasizing you're someone else. 5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months. 4. If you wear a mask, no one thinks you're kinky. 3. Doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning. 2. You don't have to call the person that gave it to you next week. And the #1 reason trick-or-treating is better than having sex... 1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR

Three women have a very late night drinking. They leave a bar in the very early morning hours and go home their separate ways. The next day they all meet and compare stories of who was the drunkest last night. The first girl claims she was the drunkest saying "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes." The second says, "You think thats drunk? I got in my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance." The third girl says, "No, I was by far the drunkest. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down." She begins to cry and the room falls silent. Finally, the first girl speaks up, "I don't think you understand....Chunks is my dog."

Two banana's are sitting on a beach getting a tan when a turd floats by in the water and says "Hey, come on in the water's great!" One banana turns to the other and says " Do you believe that $#!&"

Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says,"Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful." Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."