I did a lot of reading in here and in my Haynes book and went to work. So here's my update.
1) I disconnected all of the after market lights (KC's, Hella's), checked all fuses, and exposed wires, and cleaned up every ground I could find.
2) There was a loud humming in the fuel tank so I took the tank off, cleaned it out (there was a lot of $#!& in there), I let it completely dry in the sun for a few hours. I gave it a new fuel pump w/strainer and fuel filter. The humming was gone, there was a lot more giddy-up in the first three gears but I couldn't get past 50 mph. When I drove it home I lost power once I hit the dirt road and basically crawled along at 15mph on dirt and 30mph once I hit pavement again. I noticed the oil pressure dropped to around 20-25 and the exhaust was making a popping/thudding sound up near the manifold.
3) There was a leak in the oil pan gasket so I took it off, replaced the gasket and used that opportunity to replace the oil pump and strainer. It all went back together fine.
4) I replaced the sparkplugs, spark plug wires, distributor cap, rotor, and the coil along with the wire that goes to it. I didn't mess with the distributor base at all. The wires are ACCEL Hi-Temp super stock spiral core 8mm.
5) I replaced the crank shaft position sensor.
Result? It won't budge.
The battery sat on a trickle charger over night. The starter was diagnosed as being good. The starter fires up nice and strong, radio and head lights come on, the fans come on, the serpentine belt moves. I'm probably gonna get yelled at for this but I even left it in gear for a starting attempt and it'll roll forward an inch or two. We tried a push start, we tried starting fluid, there's just no combusition other than one instance of a backfire. We pulled the sparkplugs wires with the spark plugs one at a time and they are all firing but they're weak yellow sparks.
These fixes seemed simple enough. Take pictures as you pull one thing off, put the new thing on in reverse order, yet somehow I made matters worse. Any ideas?